Why Setting Boundaries Is Essential if You Are a People Pleaser
Wanting to do things for others is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people-pleasing can quickly take a toll on your personal well-being. If you’re putting the needs of others above your own, you risk harming your mental or physical health, experiencing burnout, or even resenting others.
People-pleasing can also cause others to start treating you differently. They might start to expect you to do the things they want, so they take advantage of you.
Setting boundaries is essential if you are a people pleaser. Not only will it help you prioritize your needs, but it will ensure that those needs are respected by others.
Of course, if you are used to putting other people first, setting boundaries might seem easier said than done. Let’s take a closer look at why it is so important to set them, and tips you can use to do so effectively.
You Cannot Constantly Give
As the old saying goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup. If you continue to give and give to others without making time for yourself, your cup will soon run dry. You will burn out, and that can lead to stress and depression.
At work, trying to constantly please others can make you resentful of your job or certain co-workers. You might lose your motivation and start to lack productivity.
In personal relationships, putting the needs of a romantic partner or friend over yourself again and again can cause discord. It can lead to unhealthy habits and patterns, a lack of communication, and again, resentment.
Setting emotional, intellectual, and physical boundaries in every area of your life will help you recognize your self-worth. It can give you a new zest for life, and you will start to be able to put some of your needs first.
Boundaries Are Not Bad
There is a common misconception, especially with people pleasers, that setting boundaries can come across as rude, disrespectful, or even mean. Nothing could be further from the truth as long as you are willing to set them firmly but gently.
Boundaries are not selfish. While it is normal to seek acceptance and to want people to like you, the personal cost should not be so much that it fosters a poor quality of life.
Getting over the idea that boundaries will somehow tarnish your relationships is the first hurdle you will have to overcome before setting them. However, once you can do that, you can focus on the things you really need. What are your values? What have you been giving up in an effort to please other people? When you have a clear idea in mind of what you want your boundaries to look like, it can be easier to share them with others.
How to Set Boundaries Effectively
Start by making time for yourself. The more you make self-care a priority in your daily routine, the easier it will be for you to recognize your worth. You will be more motivated to set boundaries so you can keep taking care of your mental and physical well-being.
When it comes time to actually share those boundaries with others, be clear and concise. Do not hesitate to explain why specific boundaries are important to you or how you feel about the way you are treated. Be respectful to the people you are sharing with, but make sure you’re firm, as well. It is okay for people to ask questions, so you can be as clear as possible when it comes to what you will and will not tolerate.
Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries. Once people know what your boundaries are, maintain them. They know the consequences and might be testing whether you will actually stick to things. If they choose to keep breaking boundaries, you will have to decide if they are causing more harm than good in your life.
Again, if you are a people pleaser, the idea of setting boundaries can be a bit scary. You do not have to go through this process alone. Contact me for an appointment, and we will dig deeper into the kind of boundaries that make sense for your life.
